Rogue Reads Volume 3
Rogue Reads: “The Happiness Trap” By Russ Harris
“So here is the happiness trap in a nutshell: to find happiness, we try to avoid or get rid of bad feelings, but the harder we try, the more bad feelings we create.”
Why This Book?
As an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) girly, I’ve spent a lot of time helping my clients (and myself) learn how to navigate difficult emotions rather than avoid them. Yet, like many people, I still catch myself chasing the idea of always “feeling good,” looking on the bright side, and striving for happiness. When my own therapist introduced me to ACT, she recommended Russ Harris’s When Life Hits Hard, and I absolutely loved it. The book provided invaluable skills that I not only use in my personal life but also frequently share with my clients.
Naturally, The Happiness Trap had been sitting on my to-read list for quite some time. I finally picked it up, and it did not disappoint. In a world that constantly tells us to “think positive” and “find the silver lining,” we often ignore or push down our challenging thoughts and feelings, only to find that this avoidance leads to even more suffering. Harris shines a light on the ways in which our cultural obsession with happiness can backfire, keeping us stuck in cycles of frustration and self-doubt. This book not only challenges the myth that happiness should be our default state but also offers practical, evidence-based skills to help us break free from the trap and live a more meaningful life.
The Gist of It
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris challenges one of the biggest myths in modern society: the idea that we should always strive to be happy. Harris argues that this relentless pursuit often leads to more suffering, not less because it sets us up to battle against the natural ebb and flow of human emotions. Founded in ACT, the book offers a new approach, rather than chasing happiness, we can cultivate psychological flexibility by learning to accept difficult thoughts and feelings while taking meaningful action in our lives.
Harris introduces key ACT concepts such as cognitive defusion (unhooking from unhelpful thoughts and feelings), mindfulness (engaging fully in the present moment), values-based living (aligning behaviours with what truly matters), and acceptance (making space for discomfort instead of avoiding it). Through practical exercises and relatable examples, Harris provides readers with concrete skills to break free from the "happiness trap" and build a richer, more meaningful life that isn’t dependent on pushing away discomfort but rather embracing it as part of the human experience.
What Stuck With Me
As I’ve mentioned before, ACT is one of my favorite modalities, and I use it often on myself and with my clients. So many of the skills in the book are things I strive to practice regularly. For the most part, I am able to notice when I am hooked by challenging thoughts and feelings, and I’m getting better at choosing my values when I’m hooked.
But one thing I struggle with is feeling my feelings. Noticing that they are present is easy; feeling them and fostering acceptance is hard.
Russ Harris describes feeling your feelings as “Expansion”, the practice of making space for uncomfortable emotions rather than pushing them away. Think of it like this: when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness, or frustration, your instinct might be to avoid or push those feelings down, distract yourself, or pretend they aren’t there. But Harris explains that resisting emotions only makes them stronger, like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. The harder you push it down, the more forcefully it pops back up.
Harris says that “expansion means making room for our feelings. If we give unpleasant thoughts enough space, they no longer stretch us or strain us.”
Instead of resisting, expansion encourages you to open up and allow your emotions to be present without letting them control you. It’s about acknowledging that these feelings are a normal part of being human and that they don’t have to dictate your actions.
Putting It Into Practice
Harris breaks expansion down into three simple steps:
Observe your feelings
Bring awareness to the sensations in your body that the feelings bring.
Where do you feel it in your body?
Is there a tightness in your chest? A lump in your throat?
Observe the feelings with curiosity rather than with judgement
Breathe into Them
Imagine sending your breath into the area where you feel the emotion in your body.
Breathe into and around the sensation in your body as if you are making extra space for it to exist.
Allow them to Come and Go
Rather than holding the emotion, or pushing back against it, we want to allow the sensation to exist inside of us.
When your mind starts commenting on what’s happening or letting you know it’s not a fan of the feeling, we want to say, “Thanks, Mind!” and come back to observing.
Remember, we’ve learned in the other books I’ve reviewed we cannot control our emotions. Emotions, like waves, will rise and fall on our own if we don’t fight them
The goal of expansion isn’t to make the feeling disappear, it’s to change your relationship with it. When we stop struggling against our emotions, they lose their grip on us. We gain the freedom to focus on what matters instead of getting stuck in a battle with our minds.
Who Is This For?
This book is for anyone who feels stuck in the endless pursuit of happiness, only to find themselves more stressed, anxious, or unfulfilled. If you’ve ever thought, “I have a good life; I should be happy, so why do I still feel this way?” This book is for you.
It’s especially helpful for:
People who struggle with anxiety, overthinking, or self-doubt.
Those who feel pressure to always "stay positive" but find it exhausting.
Anyone interested in mindfulness and learning how to handle emotions in a healthier way.
Readers who appreciate practical, actionable strategies rather than just theory.
If you're ready to let go of the struggle against your thoughts and feelings and start living a life guided by your values, The Happiness Trap is a must-read.
Final Thoughts
I absolutely loved this book, though, to be fair, I knew I would! As an ACT therapist and a Russ Harris fan, this review is definitely more biased than my last two. That said, I genuinely appreciate how The Happiness Trap goes beyond theory, offering tangible, practical exercises that help put these concepts into practice in a relatable way.
One thing I would recommend to readers is to take your time with this book. Rather than rushing through, try pausing after each section to practice the skills for a week or two before moving forward. There’s a lot to absorb, and giving yourself time to apply the tools will make them stick much better than if you read it all in one go.
Overall, this book is a fantastic introduction to ACT, breaking down its core approaches in an accessible and engaging way. As both a therapist and a client, I found it helped refine my toolbox while introducing new skills I’ll be using with my clients. I know I’ll be revisiting this book again to absorb even more the next time around!
